What is Love?
by MAVEN Hisakawa
Summary: Rin x Sess. Family. What is love? Being around Inuyasha and Kagome, little Rin had began to be curious about the intricacies of "love", much to Sesshomaru's dismay. But when Rin tossed the stoic demon lord the question, it seems like she's the one who wound up teaching him just what it means to actually love another.


_"Love is kind of like when you see a fog in the morning, when you wake up before the sun comes out. It's just a little while, and then it burns away… Love is a fog that burns with the first daylight of reality."_ \- Charles Bukowski

* * *

What is love?

It's a fairly common question most of everyone seems to instinctively know.

Love varies in so many levels and hold so many definitions.

Love is when you want to share the last slice of bread to your little brother even though you're still very hungry.

Love is when you want to sleep with someone every night and wake up next to them every morning.

Love is when you're willing to sacrifice your own joys and happiness for their sake.

Love is when you see something beautiful and experience something nice and you're first thought is how you wish you could share this moment with them.

But to some, _love_ isn't quite as easy a topic as the rest of the world seem to think.

* * *

Rin understood the basic concept of _love_.

She loved her mother and father when they were alive, and she knew they loved her too. To her little, innocent mind, she knew love was when you want to protect someone and take care of them- simple as that. She never really questioned whether or not there was more to it than just that, and for the longest while, she was fine with it.

Then everything became a big confusion when she started being around Inuyasha and Kagome more often. Despite the tender age of 8, the little girl was mature, curious, and observant, and she learned from watching other people and listening to their stories. As if the constant bickering relationship the two shared wasn't confusing enough for her, she later overheard from Master Jaken how Inuyasha also loved the dead priestess that once pinned him to a tree, keeping him asleep for 50 years.

Rin's little mind couldn't quite comprehend the complexity of the three's relationships. No matter how much she thought of it, she couldn't understand why Inuyasha would constantly yell and argue with Kagome if he loved her, and she was even more confused as to why someone who loved Inuyasha would attempt to kill him. How was that love at all? But yet despite that, she watched Kagome and Inuyasha share looks that only they seem to understand. Despite the constant bickering, they'd smile and tease and play like it was the most normal thing in the world, and of course, it did nothing more than fuel that child's already immense curiosity. They obviously loved each other, despite the way they act. It was obvious to her then that there was more to _love_ than she seemed to have always thought, and that the emotion she once thought was so simple, held a more complicated definition than what she currently understand.

And of course, to Rin, there was always just that one person who's smart enough to tell her what's going on.

"Lord Sesshomaru?"

The tall daiyokai kept his head straight, walking continually as his companions followed close behind. Already, the young demon lord could hear the inquisitive tone in her voice, something that at this point, he was used to hearing. Without so much as turning his head to look at her, he responded with his casual, stoic demeanor.

"What is it, Rin?"

The raven haired little girl paused for a second, trying to find the right way to word her question.

"Lord Sesshomaru, what is love?"

It caught him completely off-guard, something she seemed to be doing more and more these previous days. His pace slowed, and he turned his head slightly to watch her from the corner of his golden eyes. For a moment, he was thankful he was walking up ahead and neither her or Jaken could see the confusion in his eyes as he fumbled in his head how to answer her question-he was, of course, too proud to admit to his young admirer who thought of him so highly that this was the one topic Sesshomaru knew not much about. So he kept walking, intending to stall as long as he could until he could find a way to misdirect her inquiry. For once, he wished Jaken had reprimanded her as he always did, but the imp stayed rather quiet, and Sesshomaru could feel his piercing gaze from behind him. He was pretty certain Jaken too was curious of what kind of response he would give.

"Why do you ask such a silly things?"

"Mm... I just thought I knew what love was but then watching Inuyasha and Kagome and hearing about Lady Kikyo, I'm not too sure I understand what it is exactly anymore..."

He made a mental note to beat Inuyasha later for planting such stupid things to his little Rin's mind, but the train of thought of how he would torture Inuyasha for this was cut short as Rin kept on talking.

"...And I was wondering how exactly do you know for sure that you love someone."

He blinked, thinking.

 _How do you know you love someone?_

Sesshomaru wasn't sure he even knew what it feels like to love, let alone know how to know if you love someone. Looking back, he never did love anyone, and the emotion and the word was so foreign to him, he wasn't quite sure he knew how to answer her. He respected and feared and was at awe with his father and all his glory, but when his father died, he felt no remorse or sorrow. If anything, he felt disgust and hatred that someone he looked up to would fall into such a pathetic state and die a pathetic death over a mere mortal that brought nothing but shame to their name and estate. He didn't love his mother either. She birthed him, but he doubted she loved him either. To them, they were both each others' pawn for power, their key to glory. He was the child-the trophy-that brought her holds on the Western lands, and she was his birth giver, simply his means of inheriting power and glory he so actively sought. It wasn't much love as it was a grudging business partnership. He's bedded with many purebred demon women of power, if only to satisfy the curiosity of men's stereotypical addiction to physical pleasure, but he held no feelings to any of them. In fact, he wound up killing some of them later on himself. His previous life was but a barren place where _love_ was a word that held no meaning. If he were to be honest, his definition of _love_ was weakness; something that brings nothing but destruction, hurt, and demise. But he knew that definition wasn't something Rin's pure heart should hear, and he refused to be the one to taint her bright little smiles. So he decided he wouldn't answer her question after all.

"How do _you_ tell if you love someone?"

It was her turn to think. Sesshomaru gave himself mental approval of how smoothly he was handling such a difficult topic. She was young, and although although he felt bad for using her innocence and naivety against her, it was much better than him telling her the dark perspective he had on certain topics. He'd much rather just bounce her questions right back at her.

She paused for a while, leaving nothing but silence for the first couple seconds. Although he anticipated her response, his own curiosity piqued on what she would say, he wished she'd be lost in thought, get distracted, and drop the topic completely. But alas, his lucky stars didn't answer to him today.

"Hmm... I know I love someone when I don't want to lose them! I know I love someone when I always think about them, and when I worry about them all the time even when I know they'll be fine, and when I always want them to be happy. I know I love someone when I don't want to be a burden to them and I want to protect them as much as I can and take care of them all the time. Aaaaannd..."

She paused, as if thinking how to word her next sentence.

"...I know I love someone just by looking at them. I don't know, its just a feeling I guess. I just look at someone and I know I love them! I can't really explain it."

He blinked, letting her answer click in the little cogwheels on his mind before he responded.

"There's your answer."

"Ah... Thank you, Lord Sesshomaru!"

She smiled wide and bright, as if satisfied with how the conversation went and went on to chatter about butterflies with Jaken. Despite the fact that he never really answered her question at all and she simply just answered it herself, it seemed to have quenched whatever thirst for knowledge she had a few minutes back.

But while her curiosity just ended, his had just began as he pondered on her response to him, making him think about the whole thing himself, if only, he thought, for the sake of knowledge, in case she asks him something similar again later on.

 _'I know I love someone when I don't want to lose them!'_

Was there anyone he's ever been scared to lose? He thought back to his younger days. Inuyasha, his father, his mother, even his allies and old flings... There was none he had ever felt like he couldn't bear to lose. Even Jaken to him was disposable, despite the fact that he'd probably feel at least a small pang remorse if he were to ever die. Whether he cared to admit it or not, he's grown fond of the imp, although not fond enough to fully mourn his absence. And then he heard her voice, talking casually about her favorite type of berries to an uninterested Jaken. _Rin_. Memories of her second death and his inability to save her from it brought back a pain in his chest he didn't quite know how to deal with. She had died, and there was nothing he could do but watch. He couldn't save her. Fear, something the daiyoukai wasn't accustomed to feeling, crept at his very soul. Should she die again, she would be gone for good. This is her final chance at life, and should he ever lose her again, she'd never come back and he would never hear her curious questions, her silly jokes, her cheerful laughter. All that would be left is a cold corpse that would never smile for him again. And for the first time in his entire existence, he realized... no. He _acknowledged_ the fact that he was indeed, _scared_ to lose her. She was the on person, the only thing in this world that meant the most to him. No power in this lifetime would ever be worth her life.

 _'I know I love someone when I always think about them, and when I worry about them all the time even when I know they'll be fine.'_

Her voice echoed in his head once again, reminding him the train of thought that which led to his interpersonal confession.

Aside from his father, there wasn't much of anything that lingered too long in his mind. Most things, to the demon prince, was not worth thinking about, lest its something he truly wanted. The mere thoughts of his father lingered only because he wanted Tessaiga, but that aside, even his father barely ever crossed his mind. Plus, what worries would have over someone long dead? There's not much for him to worry about either. His estate, even in his absence, are ran and maintained by powerful demons. Even Jaken, as useless as he could be, could at least hold his ground and protect himself against adversity. There really wasn't much for him to worry about, and even he knew _worry_ is something reserved for someone and something you don't want to anything bad to happen to. And really, there just wasn't much Sesshomaru even cared about in the first place to even feel the slight need for worries. Except for _her_ , of course. There were many times in the past that he was forced by situation to leave Rin alone, for her own safety, and only now is he realizing that all those times he left her, he _worried_ that he would come back and find she was no longer there. He blinked, the sudden realization hitting him like pail of of cold water to his face. All this time, _he's been worried about her_ and he's never even quite realized until now that.

 _'I always want them to be happy.'_

That, at least he knew. He's always wanted her to be happy. Sesshomaru don't quite remember when it started but he long caught himself longing to hear the sounds of her laughter and the feeling of enjoyment and satisfaction he felt whenever she flashed that big, toothy grin towards him every time he brought her gifts and presents.

 _'I know I love someone when I don't want to be a burden to them and I want to protect them as much as I can and take care of them all the time.'_

The first part, he supposed he understood. But he never really quite considered himself a burden to anyone, given his abilities and talents and power. But the rest... he could relate to. At this point, he stopped looking back further than the time after Rin came into his life. He's already quite accepted he wouldn't find much to relate with there, and so at this moment, he's simply began seeing whether or not Rin would match the rest of the mentioned criteria to him. And of course, she did. After just coming to terms with that fact that he was scared to lose her, it goes without saying that he wants to protect her and take care of her at all time and make sure no harm ever comes her way. This part was a much easier puzzle to him than the previous ones on the list.

 _'I know I love someone just by looking at them.'_

Here comes the hard part. Or so he thought.

They had just reached a clearing close to a nearby river and it was almost lunch time. Although he wasn't tired and he doubted Jaken was either, Rin could definitely use a lunch break. So they settled, Ah-Uhn proceeding to nap under the shade of a huge tree, Rin sitting right up against him, rummaging through a bag of provisions. The silver-haired demon leaned against a tree, watching her little hands fumble inside the bag, pulling out a loaf of bread left over from the previous evening. He watched her silently, saying nothing, but simply observing the little things she did, and she didn't seem to notice as she started another one sided conversation with Jaken about how humans made bread. A familiar feeling crept at his heart as he listened to her small voice and watched her bright smiles. It was so familiar, yet unknown at the same time. And for the first time ever, he was _absolutely_ clueless about how and what he's feeling.

* * *

Dusk came and they set camp, like they did each evening. Despite demons not needing as much rest as human did, Jaken definitely seemed to enjoy the routine as it allowed for a more relaxed travel pace which the imp definitely preferred over their previous travel style. Dinner came and went and sleep soon called for Rin as she began to yawn and curl right up against the already resting Ah-Uhn. Jaken, of course, was already fast asleep, his snores seemingly blended with the crickets' songs.

"Lord Sesshomaru?"

He could feel the tiredness in her voice; she was already half asleep, her eyes barely even open.

"What is it?"

She let out a big yawn before adjusting her position into a seemingly more relaxed one, burying her small face against the side of the two headed beast.

"I love you, Lord Sesshomaru..."

And just like that, she fell asleep, not even giving him the time to react to her revelation. Not that there was much to react to, to begin with. At the back of his mind, he already knew. It was just reassuring to hear it himself. He watched her as she fell fast asleep, her chest falling and rising at her paced breathing.

Alas, he smiled, one of those rare, genuine smiles he rarely ever used and never really shows many people.

"I love you too, Rin."


End file.
